When grief is differently deep

Ways through grief after suicide

The loss of a loved one is always very painful. When this loss occurs through suicide, it leaves a particularly deep wound. Grief is often accompanied by guilt, anger and confusion. Affected people often feel alone and do not know how to deal with this unexpected and painful loss. This post should show you that you are not alone and that there are ways to learn to live with this grief.

What makes grief after suicide so special?

The suicide of a loved one is an event that turns the lives of bereaved people on their heads. The grief that arises from this is often characterized by a multitude of complex emotions.

• Unpredictable: Suicide is a shock because it often occurs unexpectedly and without warning. This makes the processing of the loss enormously difficult.
• Search for reasons: For those affected, the loss often begins with a long search for explanations for what happened, which can create feelings of guilt and self-blame or reinforce existing ones.
• Shameful: The subject of suicide is still stigmatized and taboo today, which can isolate those affected.

What feelings and thoughts can occur?

Grief after suicide is an individual process that varies from person to person. Nevertheless, there are some feelings and thoughts that occur frequently:

• Emotional roller coaster: The feelings are multi-layered, fluctuate strongly and can change quickly. In addition to grief and despair, anger, relief and even feelings of guilt towards the deceased can also occur.
• Physical symptoms: Grief can also manifest itself physically, for example through pain, sleep disorders, loss of appetite or exhaustion.
• Fears for the future: Those affected can feel severe hopelessness and often wonder how they should continue to live without the deceased.

How to deal with guilt?

Feelings of guilt are a common reaction to a loved one’s suicide. It is important to know that you are not responsible for the suicide of another person.

• Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and honor what you have already accomplished.
• Patience: One step, after another – one day, after another.
• Professional assistance: A therapist can help you understand and process these feelings.

What role does the social environment play?

A supportive social environment is invaluable at this difficult time.

• Openness: Speak openly about your feelings.
• Support: Let friends and family support you.
• Respect: All your feelings count and should be taken seriously. No one needs to be overwhelmed with advice.

Professional help: grief support and therapy

A grief attendant or grief specialist therapist*in can teach you specific strategies for managing grief and accompany you on your way. There are various therapy tools that can help with grief management and help you to gain a foothold in this new and strange life.

Self-help groups for those affected

The exchange with other affected persons in a self-help group can be very helpful. You learn that you are not alone and can also benefit from the experiences of others.

Tips for relatives and friends

• There are: Show your sympathy and just be there for the person concerned. It is good for most of those affected to hear that the deceased person meant a lot to other people.
• Have patience: Everyone grieves differently and needs their own time. It may happen that help is (cannot be) accepted immediately. It has nothing to do with you.
• Get professional help: Family and friends can also benefit from a consultation.

Important resources and organizations

There are numerous organizations and support groups that support people after suicide. Find out about the offers in your area.

Here are some organizations that can help if needed:

• Information and grief accompaniment D-A-CH: Trauer Taskforce
• German Society for Suicide Prevention: List of help offers (filterable)
• Agus family members committed suicide: Agus Self-Help

Conclusion

Grief after suicide can be a lengthy process. It is important to take your time and allow yourself to grieve. Seek support and do not be afraid to seek professional help. Even if it is hard to believe, there is hope for a better future.

Important note: This text should give you a first overview of the topic. However, it does not replace professional advice. If you are in a serious crisis, please contact a trusted person or counselling center.